Posts Tagged Rapture

Gee, I Hope I Don’t Get Raptured


God's fat cat

Because then I’ll lose my chance to gloat.

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Shameful Revelation


Thank God, I will get a view of the Battle of Armageddon from the grand stand seats of the heavens. All who are born again will see the battle of Armageddon, but it will be from the skies (Carl McIntire, 1965)

What then should be the believer’s attitude to the destruction of the world by fire? First of all, he should welcome it and pray for its nearness (Robert Gromacki, 1970)

The world has one great war yet to endure…. The slaughter that will take place is too frightening to imagine. Just be thankful that you’re not going to be around (Chuck Smith, 1977)

The Tribulation will result in such bloodshed and destruction that any war up to that time will seem insignificant (Jerry Falwell, 1983)

Some day we may blow ourselves up with all the bombs…. But I still believe God’s going to be in control…. If He chooses to use nuclear war, then who am I to argue with that? (Charles Jones, 1986)

-from “God and Empire” by John Dominic Crossan

I’m sorry, but the Book of Revelation should never have been included in the Bible. There. I’ve said it. No more pussy-footing around. I’m no longer going to compromise, rationalizing that it needs to be read, as Augustine said,  ‘spiritually and not carnally’ (metaphorically and not literally).  I  think it would have been better never read at all.

Rather than underlining Jesus’ (and Paul’s) radical message of the just and peaceable Kingdom of God to be found right now and right here on this earth, Revelations depicts a kingdom somewhere “out there” that will some day come, but only after Jesus returns and and initiates the violent destruction of civilization.

In the Gospels, Jesus offers us a meal of bread and wine- hospitality, friendship, community. In Revelation he offers the birds of the air a meal made up of the flesh of millions of dead.

In the Gospels Jesus talks of his return AFTER a violent apocalypse but an apocalypse that is the result of man’s ‘worldly’ and violent way of life. His return does not precipitate this apocalypse but follows it, bringing the Kingdom’s non-violent redemptive power. Revelation, on the other hand, has Jesus accepting and adopting as his own modus operandi this ‘worldly’ violence, no matter how ‘other worldly’ it is portrayed.

In the Gospels he enters the Jerusalem  meekly,  on a donkey, pointedly lampooning the triumphal entry of the Roman governor.  In Revelation he is on a white charger, wielding sword and with a  blood soaked cape flowing about him.

Is it any wonder that this vision of a doomed and temporary earth violently destroyed by a blood-thirsty Messiah who then selectively redeems it has led to 20 centuries of Church sanctioned violence? Well, not when we realize that it didn’t take long for the Church to stop opposing violent empire and become violent empire. The Book of Revelations proved to be an excellent tool in furthering the worldly ideals and goals of empire.

Americans easily recognize that the fundamentalist theology of Islam, of a disposable world followed by paradise for the fortunate faithful, has eagerly led many to commit acts of horrific violence. But can’t we see that the contemporary dispensationalist theology of Rapture and Armageddon also leads to similar contempt for this world and a a similar eagerness for violent retribution?

It may seem extreme to make comparisons between the actions of radical Islamists and those of fundamentalist Christians, but their rhetoric is similar.  Violent actions no not always follow violent rhetoric but they are always preceded by violent rhetoric.

Perhaps there is some good ecclesiastical advice in this book, advice designed to help the early beleaguered Church to hold fast and resist the temptation to capitulate to empire. But by painting Jesus in heretically violent colors John only helped spur on the Church to become empire. Did Rome co-opt the Church or did the Church co-opt Rome?

How might have history been different, if the rhetoric of violent judgment penned by John of Patmos had never been linked to Jesus’ Gospel of peace and justice?

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Tired of Waiting for the Beginning of the End Times?


If you ever get one of these letters then..uh-oh…

Dear Floyd;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world. The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know the truth about where they went. This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken up to heaven.

I f you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation, the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have so much credibility that most of the world will believe them.It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him and made Him their Lord.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is not too late. First you must pray to God saying“Father I admit I am a sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be forgiven. I ask you to forgive me and I will repent of my sins. In Jesus name I pray.”

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to bring others to Christ.

God bless you,

Aunt Bea

Yep. That’s right. There is a website called Raptureletters.com where people can sign up to have an e-mail sent to their ‘left behind’ friends explaining where they are and what the hell heck just happened:

And if you decide to ignorJesus First Bloode this heartfelt warning? This is what the Prince of Peace has in store for you:

Men and women soldiers and horses seemed to explode where they stood. It was as if the very words of the Lord had superheated their blood, causing it to burst through their veins and skin…Their innards and entrails gushed to the desert floor, and as those around them turned to run, they too were slain, their blood pooling and rising in the unforgiving brightness of the glory of Christ. (“Glorious Appearing”, Jenkins and LaHaye)

Great stuff, huh.  I can’t wait.  But if I’m raptured, won’t I miss out on all the fun? (I know what you’re thinking:“If I were you I wouldn’t worry”.) Will the raptured have good seats for all the action?  Since we’ll still have our bodies, will popcorn be available? Will we be naked and if so will we all be issued Grace Goggles?  For answers to more questions like these check out: Rapture Ready.Com It’s got the answers to all your Pre-Trib concerns AND it’s full of  fun facts like these:

The Bible predicts that the Jewish Temple will be rebuilt in Jerusalem. Ever since the 70 AD destruction, one major roadblock barring the reconstruction of the Temple is the fact that the Temple Mount area has been defiled by warfare. In order to cleanse the tribulation Temple Mount for worship, the Jews will need the ashes of a pure red heifer. Numbers chapter 19 describes red cowhow King Solomon cleansed the first Temple with the ashes of a specially prepared Red Heifer.
(Numbers 19:2-9)

(Israeli scientists have been working for years to genetically engineer a red calf. But why would they want to kick-off the Tribulation?)


Replacement theology is the view that Israel, having failed God, has been replaced by the Church around 70 AD. The Church is now seen as spiritual Israel and spiritual Jerusalem. This teaching claims that all the promises and blessings, in fact Israel’s entire inheritance, now belongs to the Church. However, all is not lost for Israel; it gets to keep all the curses.

Lucky them.

During the latter part of the tribulation an Oriental army of some 200 million strong, will move into the Middle East, crossing over the dried up Euphrates River. This army, guided by four demonic angels, will kill one third of mankind.

You certainly don’t want to be hanging around for that.  Reminds me of an old joke; 200 million Chinese guys walk into a bar and order a drink…..uh, I forget the rest.

I know a lot of good folks who waste a lot of good time with all this hooey. I wonder what they would think if they knew that these cherished ‘biblical truths’ have only been around for about 100 years or so and are mostly the result of a ne’er-do-well-cum-Evangelical-huckster’s popularization of an imaginative Anglo-Irish minister’s ruminations.

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