God’s Comet Cleansers: astronomers finally prove the existence of God

Not really.  But take a look at this article from Christian Newswire. Astronomical evidence clearly shows that comets have been the agents of much of God’s destruction in the Biblical past as well as in the future to come.  According to Dr. Jeffrey Goodman:

Recent archeological, geological and astronomical discoveries that shine new light on the Bible and its prophecies” he reports that most of the scientific data learned about comets in the last 25 years has already been recorded in the Bible! Long before the photos of Comet Hartley, the Bible correctly refers to the vents (“mouths”) in an active comet’s crust, and then correctly tells how these vents can powerfully spew out poisonous gas that can kill men (Revelation 9:17-19). Revelation 8:10-11 tells of a comet impact that is to poison rivers. Goodman says the Bible even gives an account of a cometary “blast” that probably contained cyanide (Isaiah 37:7) which killed 185,000 invading Assyrians outside the gates of Jerusalem during the reign of King Hezekiah (Isaiah 37:36-37).

How exciting! I couldn’t wait to jump into my Bible and check out the comet-related passages. Revelations is always fun, something like “Final Fantasy”.

10The third angel sounded his trumpet, and a great star, blazing like a torch, fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water— 11 the name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter, and many people died from the waters that had become bitter.

17 The horses and riders I saw in my vision looked like this: Their breastplates were fiery red, dark blue, and yellow as sulfur. The heads of the horses resembled the heads of lions, and out of their mouths came fire, smoke and sulfur. 18 A third of mankind was killed by the three plagues of fire, smoke and sulfur that came out of their mouths. 19 The power of the horses was in their mouths and in their tails; for their tails were like snakes, having heads with which they inflict injury.

Undeniable comet activity, as seen almost every day through our nation’s best telescopes! Let’s look at Isaiah 37:7 next, shall we?

Listen! When he hears a certain report, I will make him want to return to his own country, and there I will have him cut down with the sword.’”

What else could this be but the report a comet makes as it enters our atmosphere? Of course, no one has ever heard this (at least no one alive, heh-heh). Later on in Isaiah, verses 36-37 we find out what happens to evil people when a comet comes in contact with the Earth:

36 Then the angel of the LORD went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand in the Assyrian camp. When the people got up the next morning—there were all the dead bodies! 37 So Sennacherib king of Assyria broke camp and withdrew. He returned to Nineveh and stayed there.

In this case the ‘angel of the LORD’ is code for a kick-ass comet. After all, the people at the time didn’t know much about comets, but they sure knew their angels. This verse offers conclusive historical proof that comets are so dangerous that God uses them to do his dirty work. Sort of like cosmic hit men for the ultimate Godfather.

Of course, those who do not take the Bible as the literal Word of God but insist upon seeing it as metaphor or story or poetry, ignoring the clear black words on white paper, will continue to deny this irrefutable evidence.

Satan is a vile deceiver.

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  1. #1 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on November 17, 2010 - 2:21 pm

    Henry Morris, the world’s foremost expert on creationism.

    • #2 by Christian Beyer on November 17, 2010 - 3:12 pm

      Ah, Jack was giving you too much credit. Said he thought Morris was the guy who wrote “The Naked Ape”. I figured it was some obscure fundamentalist pseudo-theologian. Guess I was right.

    • #3 by Christian Beyer on November 17, 2010 - 3:20 pm

      Anyway, I didn’t really want this to become a debate about creationism vs science. My point is that in order to “see” some of these futuristic events in the Bible you really have to play loose and fancy with the written words contained therein. Which is something that most millinialists of any persuasion claim to avoid and readily condemn, especially if it’s being done by someone who does not agree with their theology.

      And it’s not just millinialists. The Hyper Reformed Calvinists and the Southern Baptist (who overlap a bit) do the exact same thing. You really can’t find substantive evidence for TULIP in the scriptures and you can’t be a slave to only those biblical laws you like (aka misogynistic laws) and ignore the ones you don’t (like hose agains usery)

  2. #4 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on November 17, 2010 - 3:48 pm

    I’ve heard some of these “scientists see God in space” type stuff before. The main problem, even from a typical Christian (not an Otto Christian) point of view, if God is invisible, how can visible proofs of His being be seen?

    The problem is that if God has a location, and it is somewhere in outer space, to quote a children’s song, wouldn’t he be able to make this place clearly known? Why does everything with God have to be hidden?

    • #5 by Christian Beyer on November 17, 2010 - 3:56 pm

      Well, maybe that question (and all the other questions about God) are irrelevant. If God transcends our physical universa or at least exists outside of the dimensions that we can comprehend (or perhaps God is another dimension) then God is not hidden but we just are incapable of seeing God. (I am trying my best to avoid pronouns when talking about God – I believe they strengthen our tendency to anthropomorphize.

  3. #6 by logiopsychopath on November 17, 2010 - 7:40 pm

    What other context do we have besides personal pronouns–perhaps you could invent a new pronoun to describe our limited knowledge of the being (or, in your view) non-being we call God.

    On the other hand, maybe you could borrow Prince’s sign for himself, but make it like a capital non-letter symbol.

  4. #7 by Christian Beyer on November 18, 2010 - 1:02 am

    Now you’re getting it Brucie. The Via Negativa – a very old Christian concept, which has a lot in common with Buddhism, Hinduism and (the dreaded Muslim) Sufism. You cannot define what God is, you can only define what God is not. I

    know this is tough for you. Take a couple of ibuprofen and check back in tomorrow morning.

  5. #8 by Jack on November 18, 2010 - 1:58 pm

    What does TULIP mean?

    • #9 by Christian Beyer on November 18, 2010 - 2:50 pm

      *T*otal Depravity (original sin)
      *U*nconditional Election (God chose who will fly and will fry)
      *L*imited Atonement (Jesus only died for those whom God has already decided not to fry) *I*rresistible Grace (if God wants you then you have no choice ergo he does not want the fryer or they would be flyers)
      *P*erseverance of the Saints (once saved always saved)

  6. #10 by logiopath on November 18, 2010 - 8:15 pm

    TULIP–

    T=Total Depravity, Impossibility to know God, not just original sin.

    Couldn’t resist, Chris.

  7. #11 by logiopath on November 18, 2010 - 8:15 pm

    P. S., why would I need ibuprofen?

  8. #12 by Christian Beyer on November 18, 2010 - 11:13 pm

    Because your brain is beginning to hurt. Like Mr.Gumby’s.

  9. #13 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on November 19, 2010 - 8:43 am

    My brain always hurts. My co-worker says I need to stop carrying the world on my shoulders (and stop reading so much conspiracy into everything).

    He says sometimes a pickle is just a pickle.

    I said no, a pickle is a cucumber soaked in brine and vinegar.

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