Thank goodness Christians are mono-theistic and don’t have to mess around with all those Hindu gods. That would be way too complicated.  Fortunately for us, God, coming to Earth as his only son Jesus, revealed his true nature, so that there would be no confusion or disagreement on the subject.  Whew!  Now if we could just get this simple message out there…

Super Saver


King Jesus

Dr. Jesus

This is your Captain Jesus


Jesus, the macho dude

Judge Jesus

Gay Jesus


Jesus the Genie

Warrior Jesus

Little Baby Jesus

Jesus my boyfriend

Sacrificial Jesus



Carpenter Jesus

Sexy Jesus

Jesus is my co-pilot

Homeless Jesus

Hippy Jesus

U.S. Jesus

Jesus like me

I know there must be others…..


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  1. #1 by Brian LePort on October 20, 2010 - 4:52 pm


  2. #2 by Micah on October 20, 2010 - 6:07 pm

    Some how I think macho Jesus and Mark Driscoll have discussed the next Brock Lessnar fight.

    • #3 by Christian Beyer on October 21, 2010 - 3:11 pm

      Ha! I had to look up Brock Lessnar. Wouldn’t be surprised if Driscoll could incorporate ultimate fighting into the liturgy.

  3. #4 by logiopsychopath on October 20, 2010 - 10:24 pm

    Are you implying that many Christians are actually polytheists? (and I don’t mean Mormons)

    • #5 by Christian Beyer on October 21, 2010 - 6:25 am

      Is Jesus God (or another expression of God?) Do we ultimately rely upon our own imaginations when it comes to “seeing” Jesus? Is there a large number of cults (denominations) who worship distinctly different conceptions of Jesus? Do many/most Christians see Jesus in singularly unique ways?

      Polytheists in denial.

      • #6 by Christian Beyer on October 21, 2010 - 6:35 am

        I have heard Hindus say that they acknowledge the futility of defining God and man’s incapacity to conceptualize the infinite so that different people of faith are attracted to that avatar that they most closely identify with and helps them to encounter the sacred. They give each avatar a distinct personality and image and name. Christians do the same, although the images may change on whim the name remains the same. ( and it’s not even the name the historical man would answer to)

  4. #7 by Vellum on October 21, 2010 - 7:44 am

    Nice use of the Orozco murals there 🙂

    • #8 by Christian Beyer on October 21, 2010 - 8:23 am

      Yeah. I should’ve given the artist credit, but didn’t want to muddy up the captions. Didn’t think he would be calling me out on it either. 😉

  5. #9 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on October 21, 2010 - 12:26 pm

    So a unified being cannot possess more than one facet of possible existence–for example,take the person Otto Christian Beyer.

    –Food Service Manager with Napoleonic
    complex and Tool of his employer.

    Hmm? Believers in O. C. B. must be thinking abouot “many Ottos” and not a single, unified Otto who bears all of these (and more) possible characteristics.

    • #10 by Christian Beyer on October 21, 2010 - 12:36 pm

      Right! Just as with Brahma, the Creator god of Hinduism. You are starting to get it.

      But…the problem with your analogy is that people who believe these things about me have actually, physciall SEEN me in these capacities and know full well that these are merely aspects of my being. On the other hand, I suggest that the different people,factions, denominations, cults that hold to different overarching characteristics of Jesus don’t neccessarily see him in any other way and would discount those characteristics that others see that contradict with their own. Such as the way in which I do not believe in the avenging Jesus of Revelations or as the sacrifical lamb of God.

      My point is not to say, necessarily, that Christianity is polytheistic, but to criticize those who dismiss Hinduism (and other religions) because they charge them with polytheism, often without knowing much of anything about these faiths at all.

      I do believe that all visions of Christ, either personal or corporate, must be avatars, as they cannot possibly be totally accurate representations.

  6. #11 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on October 21, 2010 - 12:26 pm

    Eep! I mis-spelled about!

  7. #12 by logiopsychopath on October 21, 2010 - 10:28 pm

    you make the average trinitarian sound existential.

  8. #13 by Jonathan Blanchard on May 22, 2012 - 7:12 pm

    Right on, man. I kind of gave my opinion on this in my blog a little while ago, but I realized once that a lot of “Jesus” worship is idol worship, since we’re worshipping a fake and powerless Jesus, not the real one. The real Jesus is beyond belief, man.

  1. White Jesus or black Jesus? (Just so long as it’s not that pesky Jewish Jesus) « Sharp Iron

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