Glen Beck’s 9 principles and 12 values: decoded

I wandered over to Glenn Beck’s website and found that its name (“The 9.12 Project –We the People Demand Answers”) is a clever reference to not only   the day after 9/11 but also about the 9 principles and 12 values he deems necessary for America to return to its past glory days.

I don’t know why but for some reason this list seemed a little  fishy, especially when read in the light of recent  words and actions coming from the Right. Fortunately for me I still had my old Ovaltine decoder and was able to decipher the real meaning behind Beck’s stated principles and values.  Here goes:

Glenn Beck’s 9 Principles and 12 Values for restoring American

The 9 Principles

1. America Is Good. (and what’s good for America is good for the world)
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life. (Not just God, but specifically, Jesus. But his teaching is optional, in fact it can be counter-productive)
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday. (Unless it helps the higher cause, which is, obviously, the one I am championing)
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government. (Unless we are gay. Otherwise, spare the rod, spoil the child. And If we want to deprive our children of a proper education that’s our right as well.)
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it. (Unless the justices are Clinton and Obama appointees. Oh, and corporate America can make its own laws, because what’s good for business is good for America and what’s good for America…)
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results. (Especially when some people are born more privileged than others. Get over it and put a good shine on those shoes, boy.)
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable. (We don’t like welfare but military spending and corporate tax subsidies are cool, especially if we can itemize deductions)
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. (But it is un-American for you to disagree with us. Just wait until we become authority.)
9 The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me. (Until WE become the government then everyone will answer to ME.)

The 12 Values

* Honesty (unless it helps the cause, then the bigger the false rumor, the better)

* Reverence (but only for the Christian god – we don’t really mean that Judeo part, but they still run all the banks)

* Hope (that WASPS will take back the power)

* Thrift (except for those who make buckets of money on television and on the lecture circuit)

* Humility (can’t even touch that one)

* Charity (for the people we like)

* Sincerity (see? I’m crying, can’t you see my pain?)

* Moderation (outside of Right Wing speech)

* Hard Work (to support our cause -you call what I’m doing work?)

* Courage (to recognize that everyone is against us and we must organize to survive)

* Personal Responsibility (outside of admitting the rumors we’ve spread were false)

* Gratitude (for the unfortunate chain of events that has led me to fame, fortune and…dare I say it?…power )


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  1. #1 by 1sttime0ffender on September 16, 2010 - 11:39 pm

    now that I know the foundation I am ready for my complete Sturmabteilung indoctrination.

  2. #2 by logiopathivorytowerdweller on September 17, 2010 - 12:57 pm

    We ARE the government. Read the Preamble to the Constitution.

    Hey, have your read the John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are holding their own rallies?

    I may check these out.

  3. #3 by Christian Beyer on September 17, 2010 - 1:08 pm

    No, not “we” as in all of us, every voting citizen, but “WE” as in if/when the Tea Baggers are in power. That “we”. Remember, this is what Beck is thinking, not you or me, and I have no doubt that is what he/they mean.

  4. #4 by logiopsychopath on September 17, 2010 - 4:31 pm

    Seriously, I believe “WE” to mean the land-holding oligarchs, some of whom inherited land given their fathers,who in turn received the land either as a direct land grant, or as war booty (or some other patronage means).

    These guys meant themselves, their sons, and a few beneficiaries. Everyone else got screwed.

  5. #5 by logiopsychopath on September 17, 2010 - 4:32 pm

    No to mention that the land was taken from the rightful owners, the natives, for little or no real compensation.

  6. #6 by Christisn on September 17, 2010 - 5:19 pm

    I would have to agree. Good points.

  7. #7 by 1sttime0ffender on September 17, 2010 - 5:43 pm

    Well, In my small minded way of thinking, almost every piece of land was someone else’s first. Yes, the American Indians got screwed. We screwed the British. I mean here in Texas just after Mexico stole the land from Spain, Texans turned around and stole it from them. Not that this has anything to do with the original post, just wanted to throw my cent and a half worths out there.

  8. #8 by Christisn on September 17, 2010 - 7:52 pm

    Of course, you are absolutely correct. But it is sobering to remember this when we sing “this land is your land, this land is our land” or “God bless America”. Though the American Indians were here first, they never developed the European concept of ownership or national boundaries.

  9. #9 by logiopsychopath on September 17, 2010 - 8:16 pm

    I just read that the French treated the natives the best, in many ways blending their cultures.

    I believe the Spanish destroyed anything they found of technological advances, and destroyed these right along side Aztec books.

    The Brits were not angels either.

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