Mountain of Turkey found on Noah’s Ark

(UPNews) August 25, 2010

Sven Splinquist, a Creation Scientist and entrepreneur in Stockholm, contacted Swedish authorities today,  saying that his meticulously detailed  life-size reproduction of Noah’s Arc was vandalized over night.   An estimated 50 tons of thinly sliced deli turkey had been mysteriously layered atop the 450 foot wooden vessel, completely burying its superstructure.

Authorities have no suspects in the case but Splinquist believes it has something to do with his theory  that not all animals were taken aboard by Noah, particularly birds.  Instead  just 2 each of all  “kinds” of animals were saved.  Every species of dog would not need representation,  but just a few, as the other varieties would have developed in the ensuing 4300 years.  But this view has some people upset, including many of Sweden’s 1500 turkey farmers, who have waged a market war with neighboring Norway’s booming chicken industry for years.

“Ja, dere vas no need for all da birds to be on d’ark. Just a few.  So da tink is, dere vas no turkey on ark, just chickies.  Da turkey of today is just a big chickie.” says Splinquist. “Da turkey varmers are mad ’cause dey tink I’m sayin Gud don’t luff de turkeys. But he luff  effertink. Efen pastrami.”//

Splinquist is not too terribly upset about the cold-cut prank. In fact he has a big grin on his face.

“Look! My ark not tip ofer! Dis proof dat de ark vas ferry sea worty. An tomorrow ve haff smorgasbord fer de whole friggin’ town! Gud bless!”


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  1. #1 by Christian Beyer on August 25, 2010 - 10:01 pm

    I always wonder why God allowed Noah to bring roaches, bed bugs and chiggers. I guess he brought more than just a pair of fleas, though.

  2. #2 by logiopath on August 26, 2010 - 6:48 pm

    Hovind is Nutz–and I mean NUTZ.

    I once watched an extended series of his “Creation 101” videos. I don’t even think Ken Ham or the Henry Morris Crowd at ICR would adopt some of his way-out theories.

    In fact, his theories border on double Nutz when he starts talking about the Rockefeller Conspiracies and Fluoride (and I know good, smart, charitable people who believe this stuff).

    Anyway, Dr. Dino is Nutz, and I mean Nutz.

  3. #3 by Jack on August 27, 2010 - 11:39 am

    Hey, did you know that that Hovind guy is in a penitentiary in Georgia for a bunch of tax and financial crimes?

  4. #4 by Christian Beyer on August 27, 2010 - 12:10 pm

    Yeah, but he was railroaded. Tuned out the judge, he jury and the prosecuting attorney ALL believed in evolution. It’s part of the gay agenda for an Islamo-commie conspiracy, I tell ya. A conspiracy.

  5. #5 by logiopsychopath on August 29, 2010 - 10:35 pm

    Islamo-Commies who force inmates to use Fluoride!

  1. Pentagon cover-up: UFOs found Noah’s Ark! « Sharp Iron

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