Sven Splinquist, a Creation Scientist and entrepreneur in Stockholm, contacted Swedish authorities today, saying that his meticulously detailed life-size reproduction of Noah’s Arc was vandalized over night. An estimated 50 tons of thinly sliced deli turkey had been mysteriously layered atop the 450 foot wooden vessel, completely burying its superstructure.
Authorities have no suspects in the case but Splinquist believes it has something to do with his theory that not all animals were taken aboard by Noah, particularly birds. Instead just 2 each of all “kinds” of animals were saved. Every species of dog would not need representation, but just a few, as the other varieties would have developed in the ensuing 4300 years. But this view has some people upset, including many of Sweden’s 1500 turkey farmers, who have waged a market war with neighboring Norway’s booming chicken industry for years.
“Ja, dere vas no need for all da birds to be on d’ark. Just a few. So da tink is, dere vas no turkey on ark, just chickies. Da turkey of today is just a big chickie.” says Splinquist. “Da turkey varmers are mad ’cause dey tink I’m sayin Gud don’t luff de turkeys. But he luff effertink. Efen pastrami.”//
Splinquist is not too terribly upset about the cold-cut prank. In fact he has a big grin on his face.
“Look! My ark not tip ofer! Dis proof dat de ark vas ferry sea worty. An tomorrow ve haff smorgasbord fer de whole friggin’ town! Gud bless!”