Gee, I Hope I Don’t Get Raptured

God's fat cat

Because then I’ll lose my chance to gloat.


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  1. #1 by ambrosia on November 7, 2009 - 8:39 am

    I was a company man, to an extent, when I worked for this chain of camera stores. I must have been a company man, because in spite of my high sales numbers, at the end of my full-time run, I only got $8.32 an hour plus “spiffs.” This made for a high of about $20,000 in 1989, in which I was full-time until September, and part-time once I started teaching.

    I was also a company man for a while at the truss plant, but I figured out they weren’t going to move me into a management type position. In spite of this, I kept my work ethic most of the time–except when sweeping at the end of a shift (which may have put my coworker’s soul in peril).

    Now, I do my job, knowing well that I exist to protect my bosses from lawsuits. I do get slack, and could find more paperwork to do during my “planning periods.” But the internet is frequently calling, so I go to FOX news. I also study for my classes at Notre Dame, but BCPS is paying for 1/2 of my tuition, so hey . . . BCPS is a generous outfit, but they don’t like to be challenged–in other words they have what is called a “command and control” management style.

    As far as Darby, etc., they may have said they rejected hierarchies in response to the “High” churches–but they went ahead and created another one to replace Rome. They made heaven their Vatican, so to speak, and the death became the pilgrimage (no pun intended–Plymouth Brethren, pilgrims, get it?) I read a book by a leading Calvinist theologian. This guy basically shot down the idea of death being a “homecoming.” It can be argued that wanting to “go home” is a form of escapism. Indeed, we are not merely “passing through,” but are domestic sorts until death–then we enter that mystery called death.

    Ya know, Jesus didn’t make any references to heaven, and when Paul claimed to be “caught up to seventh heaven” he was not willing to describe what he saw. He said it was unlawful, which many evangelicals interpret as indescribly wonderful (which may be true). But the fact is we simply do not know what lies beyond our last breath, and anything we say is speculation–it may be canonical speculation, but it is speculation.

  2. #2 by ambrosia on November 7, 2009 - 6:47 pm

    I mean, after reading the Left Behind books, who would want to be raptured?

    The folks who were “Left Behind” lived the life of Riley, for the most part, all on the expense of the Antichrist.

    Hot cars, awesome computer technology, and relationships right out of eharmony–who could ask for more?

    • #3 by Christian Beyer on November 7, 2009 - 11:23 pm

      eharmony. I like that. Plus they all had porn star names.

  3. #4 by ambrosia on November 8, 2009 - 4:18 pm

    Actually, Jerry Jenkins said he got the names from the 1960 New York Mets,and the name Nikolai Carpathia came from the Carpathian Mountains in Romania.

  4. #5 by ambrosia on November 8, 2009 - 4:19 pm

    Make that the 69 Mets.

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