“Oh. Is That All?”

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

“As well…

…you must also never visit inns that serve strong drink, because my disciples do not do this. To be seen bibbing wine will give the wrong impression. Nor should you listen to rock music or play in rock and roll bands; disciples party not. Your clothing must always be of a modest nature and your language always be pure. Never should you enjoy the sight of a woman’s body, nor that of a mans. You must never eat or drink with prostitutes, thieves, or Gentiles. Give exactly 10% of your wealth to the priests and compel others to follow your example. Make your public prayers long and forget not a tittle. Whenever you see sin in others point it out and condemn it soundly. Be sure in all that you do. Use my name as often as you shall and let all know that you speak for me.”


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  1. #1 by Alan on August 28, 2008 - 4:59 pm

    Yeah… we put lots of words in Jesus (or more generally, the Bible’s) mouth that he never actually said don’t we…

    Like where in the Bible does it say: “God helps those who help themselves.”

    And of course, that one came from Ben Franklin, not the Bible. The point is, the average person goes right along and assumes it is in the Bible. They’ve heard it so much and it sounds like the kind of thing Jesus (or one of them there Bible people) might say…

  2. #2 by ric booth on August 28, 2008 - 6:32 pm

    You forgot R-rated movies and smoking. An’ here I thought you knew your scriptures 😉

  3. #3 by Christian Beyer on August 28, 2008 - 6:35 pm


  4. #4 by Mark on August 29, 2008 - 1:24 am

    Those things aren’t in the Bible? You must be kidding. I really need to go talk to my former pastors.

  5. #5 by angelbearoh on August 29, 2008 - 1:37 am

    Don’t forget to throw out all your playing cards!

  6. #6 by Christian Beyer on August 29, 2008 - 2:24 pm

    Right angel. But hold on to those bingo and lotto cards!

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