Mothers Against Drunk Driving are Madd at Jesus

That’s right. It has been reported that Jesus of Nazareth, at a wedding in Cana, did knowingly and willfully provide alcoholic beverages to children UNDER THE AGE OF 21!!!!

As reported by the Jerusalem Examiner:

It was alleged that the bride herself was only around 13 or 14 years of age, and although the groom sported a full beard he wasn’t a day over 18. This did not deter Jesus and his mother Mary (listed as an accomplice) from providing double the amount of wine intended for the feast, which some say was a deliberate intent to encourage ‘binge’ drinking.

The Palestine chapter of MADD is asking that Jesus be brought up on charges but it is believed that the local Roman magistrate will dismiss the complaint as being a tad hysterical. No evidence can be found that Jesus actually purchased any wine near the time of the wedding.

Last week a 17 year old Judean boy was injured when his camel tossed him into the side of a date palm just two blocks from the site of the wedding. Centurions on the scene suspected that he had been drinking and he was given a breath test. Failing this (the camel fainted), he was ordered to gargle with lemon juice, vinegar and mint. His wife and four children suffered only minor injuries.

The instances of wine induced camel and donkey accidents among young people in the region around Jerusalem is said to be on the rise. New legislation is in the works to make it illegal for camels and donkeys to consume alcohol.

Seriously though. Recently a large group of university deans and presidents have asked that the legal drinking age be lowered, under the assumption that this will help reduce alcohol abuse on campus. Their arguments actually make a lot of sense.

But the only argument I need is this one: if you are old enough to get married, old enough to vote and old enough to die for your country then you are old enough to drink. I know 50 year olds who shouldn’t be allowed near a bottle of Bud – age does not always equate with maturity or the lack there of.

Europeans, who have don’t have  the Puritanical baggage we are saddled with, don’t have this problem with teen alcohol abuse. They never made alcohol into a forbidden and, therefor, very attractive taboo. Their coming of age parties are not built around getting ‘wasted’ because to the European kid it’s just another…food.

Anyway, Jesus didn’t have a problem sharing a glass of wine or two with young people. Not that it makes any difference to me. I was more than happy to allow my 19 year old daughter to enjoy a Mike’s Hard Lemonade on our family beach picnic the other day. Quite civilized, really, if not quite legal.

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  1. #1 by Stephanie on August 22, 2008 - 3:15 pm

    LOL! You guys are too much.

  2. #2 by Christian Beyer on August 22, 2008 - 3:22 pm

    Hmm. Brent was that a Freudian typo? HE’LL exists?

    Speaking of Freud, I’m still seeing that erect pinky.

  3. #3 by BuddyO on August 22, 2008 - 5:07 pm

    Brent, let me guess. You were typing on your iPhone. I do that all the time.

  4. #4 by brent(inWorship) on August 22, 2008 - 5:40 pm

    Ding, Ding, Ding…

    Buddy wins the prize 🙂

    And C, that was my intent…

  5. #5 by Stephanie on August 22, 2008 - 6:20 pm

    Chris-

    Ok, so there……..I wrote. 😉

  6. #6 by pandreson on September 12, 2008 - 11:03 pm

    One of the causes of the Christian Right which has tended receive less attention than most is Neo-Prohibitionism. Most seem to believe that the principles of Prohibition are long dead because it was a paradigm which proved to be a failure at best, and probably counter-productive.
    ———————————–
    pandreson
    california dui

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