Stewardess Claims Osteen Gave Her Hemmorhoids While Knocking the Faith Out of Her

Jeesh! I’m no fan of the Osteens but c’mon. One very lucky Continental Airlines stewardess, Sharon Brown, is suing Victoria Osteen for 10% of her net worth. The lucky stewardess claims that during a dispute over possibly sloppy airline service Osteen became angry, pushed the stewardess aside and elbowed her in the left breast ( a flag should have been thrown on that play! ).

Osteen has been fined $3,000 by the FAA, but the lucky stewardess is seeking further damages, as she claims that she now “suffers with anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected”. ( I wonder if the expulsion of her faith aggravated the hemorrhoids?)

Give us a break Ms. Brown. Because of a scuffle, you’ve contracted hemorrhoids? And if this imbroglio caused you such anxiety, how could you possibly stand all those hair raising take-offs and landings without falling into hysterics? As far as the shakiness of your faith is concerned, that wasn’t exactly Jesus Christ (or his wife) that got physical with you on the plane. (Of course if that was the case, how much could you sue them for?) Perhaps you’re just confused.

Anyway, it was certainly your lucky day, Ms. Brown. The Osteens are absurdly wealthy and 10% of Victoria’s assets can definitely keep you in plenty of Preparation H and St. John’s Wort for a long, long time. Tough thing about your faith, though.

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  1. #1 by Robert on August 7, 2008 - 4:30 pm

    What a pain in the A$$!!!

    OH come on!!! somebody had to say it!!!

    R.

  2. #2 by logiopath on August 7, 2008 - 4:32 pm

    Have a heart, Chris.

    1. I have tried St. John’s Wort, and I wish I could have the Osteens supply my stash.

    2. I myself suffer from Hemorroids, but only during the school year. Who should I sue? My students, coworkers, or administrators.

    3. Are you implying that Ms. Brown is looking for a Sugar Daddy, so to speak, from this mishap?

  3. #3 by logiopath on August 7, 2008 - 4:33 pm

    OOh.

  4. #4 by Kliska on August 7, 2008 - 5:10 pm

    So many Osteen + hemorrhoid jokes, so little time… *sigh*

  5. #5 by 1godsgal on August 7, 2008 - 6:35 pm

    Aren’t hemorrhoids caused from being full of crap? I’m just sayin’ 🙄

  6. #6 by Christian Beyer on August 7, 2008 - 9:14 pm

    OK, can’t any of you guys be serious for just one stinkin’ minute?

  7. #7 by ric booth on August 7, 2008 - 9:45 pm

    I’m trying to remember all the people who have elbowed me in the “breast”… I had no idea they caused my hemorrhoids. What the gestation period from elbow to ahh… delivery?

  8. #8 by Mark on August 8, 2008 - 12:29 am

    OK. I’m thinking the Olsteens really need to be investigated. If this woman developed hemorrhoids from this one brief encounter it seems to me that perhaps one of the Olsteens had their hands in an entirely inappropriate place.

  9. #9 by 1godsgal on August 8, 2008 - 8:22 am

    Christian, of course we can be serious….Ric, I was thinking about the same thing…and I’d be needing some serious surgery by now…..

    That was serious…really 😀

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