Archive for September 28th, 2007

Star Struck

star_trek_03_1024.jpgDriving home from work today I heard a radio commercial for the International Star Registry. For a mere $54 and change you can have an actual star named after someone you love. Wow.

Personally, it’s not my cup of tranya, but I guess for those who crave immortality it could be pretty cool. I assume the stars that are biggest or closest will go first, if they’re even still available. But we would never run out of opportunities, even if everyone on the planet takes a shot at having a star named after them.

But then I got to thinking; if this does become a big thing, can you imagine how it might affect future space exploration?

(Slow fade…..)

Star Date; 1.17-64; Captains Log:

“After leaving Jack O’Brien system I have ordered course set for Shlomo Liebowitz in the Buddy Oliver cluster. We received a sub space communication from Star Fleet outpost B87 on My Favorite Auntie Rose of a mass apparent escape attempt in the penal colony on Roger, the Universe’s Best Dad. I have been ordered to transfer non-military staff to the R&R station at Jackie is the Hottest Babe Ever.”

Maybe you could name stars after your favorite celebrities:

“Scotty I need more power! We can’t escape Oprah’s gravitational field!”

This reminded me of the time my son had a really nice and accurate toy model of the original Enterprise. For some insane reason it came with removable engine pods and of course he lost both of them. After it had been sitting in the dark at the bottom of his closet for a couple of years I decided to toss it into the trash. My wife, the frugal and practical “Beverly of Bonny Bridge” insisted that we keep it for the next neighborhood yard sale.

This caused me to wonder; what poor kid would want an Enterprise with no engines. How would he play with it?

“Warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.”

“Captain, there seems to be a problem. I can’t engage the warp engines.”

“Mr. Scott, what is the situation?”

“Aye, Cap’n. I kinna oonnerstan’ it! It’s like we’ve goat noo engines atoll!”

“Mr. Spock!?”

“Captain, it appears that the reason we have been isolated in the Dark Zone for the past two years is due precisely to the fact that we have no warp engines. I am surprised that you were not curious before this point.”

“No engines!? My God! What….have….they….done!!?”

(Suddenly Kirk claps his hands to his ears and falls to his knees, writhing in pain. The crew rushes about frantically pushing random buttons as the whine of a garbage truck’s compactor increases in intensity. Spock raises one eyebrow quizzically. Fade to black.)

I guess the erstwhile owner of this incomplete star ship could always pretend that the Enterprise is playing ‘dead in the water’, to lure in the cloaked Romulan Bird of Prey. At least you can’t see that one.

Joost thinkin’.


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